Onion-like Headlines in Real Life

Sperm whale secretion may spell fortune for UK man

That Cuddly Kitty Is Deadlier Than You Think

Zimbabwe Has Just $217 in the bank

Snoop to educate kids about smoking pot

Russia emerges from two-week new year drinking binge

Ohio teacher with phobia of kids suing former district

Puppy thrown at German biker gang

Clarence Thomas Breaks Seven-Year Silence from Bench to Make Fun of Yale

Clothing Company Tells Customers, 'Stop Buying So Much From Us.'